Today, November 8th, 2022.
What a year! I can’t even begin to talk about it. I tried so hard and worked so hard. My soul and spirit are tired, but I am happy this last lap around the sun is coming to a close.
Today, one year after my mother's death, just a few days before my birthday, I can say that I have had many challenging times in my life, but 2022 was, hands down, one of the most difficult. This was the year I had to learn to live without a mother. The year many masks finally fell. I cleaned out what was wrong and removed the garbage from my life in every aspect. I had to watch closely how my heart and soul handled everything to keep my sanity.
In April, I ended a dead, dirty cycle of an unfaithful and abusive relationship that lasted too long. In the following months, the beginning and end of a new dive into my feelings that I thought was my life reason, to find out it was another disappointment I had to go through—what I thought was my future and happiness became quickly the frustration and defeat of broken promises showing me very bluntly I was, again, naively wrong. Then, the heartbreak of separation from those I love culminated in an almost cruel thief of my joy. The grief of cancer hitting again and walking this earth alone without a tight connection virtually reached its climax in losing who I thought I was.
Nevertheless, after all was said and done, I learned that it’s expected that we have to put the old away to start fresh and anew. I’m not strange with diving into dashing decisions. The quote that we must be careful with what we ask is real. If we pray to God to help us mend what needs mending, He will take action, most times, in a shockingly and unquestionably manner, so that we can review all of our distress and leap into the breach with zero option besides having to overcome life—and then, as Ming-Dao explained, “whether we remain the ash or become the phoenix is up to us.”
For that reason, although these all sound negative, a new era has started. I worked so hard to learn and survive these challenging times and was again given a higher step in my very stressful but rewarding career that I feel more confident about daily. The tenacity of our being is tested in many ways, and we surprise ourselves with the power of our souls. But, as we know, with great blessing comes great responsibility. Or, with His benefit, comes an assignment. I also moved to a new home, and I’m so excited about it! After crossing the fire of Dante’s inferno for never-ending months, I was blessed to find incredible and authentic souls who know how to handle my heart with care and rest my head with dreaminess. I welcome them into my life with all the love I have in me. I claim every specific, supernatural atonement blessing as described in Joel 2. It’s good to know He hears and knows who I am, and I pray those I love are in God’s hands as I try my best to support them in all their endeavors and dreams.
For so long, I knew what love was not. We all know love isn’t perfect, a fairytale or a storybook. It doesn’t come easy and doesn’t always survive obstacles, challenges, or hardships unless both parties choose. It’s a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, but once you experience it, it’s impossible to live without. But, after so many years of dying thirsty in front of the sea and soul suicide, rising again is worth it until we turn strong, no matter how hard it becomes. Unfortunately, those who give up will keep searching for a neverending circle of a granted mishap.
I can confidently say that 2023 will be a new and better cycle in every aspect. No doubt challenges will happen, but I finally got to put away all that was not good for me. I would never do anything unless I believed in it, and God is by my side blessing each step I give. As a result, I feel like a new woman. My soul is renewed, and my heart is at peace.
Happy 2023 to all, and to all, good fortune and God’s favors!